Subtle facial expressions and body language behaviors in meetings and interviews can lead to misunderstandings. A quick and easy comment can prevent harmful mistakes.
Smiling is a good thing, right? People tell us to smile to be friendly and approachable. We smile when we’re happy, everyone knows that right? Not quite.
We smile for many reasons. Happiness is one. People also smile when it brings up a memory, or when they think they know the answer, or are just waiting to talk. Some people smile when nervous or embarrassed. Some people smile to show superiority in a “I’m looking down on you” type of way. A few people suffer from Pseudobulbar affect (PBA) which causes people to have uncontrollable laughing or crying, which includes smiling.
The point is no two people would always smile for the same reasons. We all might smile at a wedding, but we might not all smile at a baby. The same is true in the workplace, that we may not all smile in the same circumstances. It’s especially true when you encounter new people, typically during interviews, client meetings, and at networking events.
Why does this matter? You might find yourself smiling about something the other person wouldn’t smile at or would smile at for a different reason. Suppose you’re in an interview and the interviewer begins to ask a question about international experience. She may take a few sentences to explain what she’s getting at, meanwhile you get a big smile on your face. The reason you’re smiling is because last month at your current job you just got a company award for your work expanding into a new international territory. You can’t contain the smile which is generated by your excitement. But as she’s asking the question she doesn’t know this yet. She may see the smile and think you’re being cocky or maybe reads it as slightly condescending; here you are smiling, and she hasn’t even finished telling you what exactly she’s asking, thinking to herself “boy, this guy’s arrogant.”
“I’m smiling because . . .” is a simple phrase to provide clarity. “I’m smiling because last month I got an award for my work opening a new territory in Asia.” Or for other circumstances, “I’m smiling because when I was doing my master’s degree my roommate and I used to debate this very question.” “I’m [nervously] smiling because whenever I get these questions in an interview, I usually get the analysis right but make a mistake when adding the numbers at the end, but let me try . . .”
In other words, be explicit. With our friends and family, and other people we’ve known for a long time we don’t need to do this. They know our patterns and our tells. But when you’re with newer people, they don’t know you and their habits may differ. You may have heard that burping after eating, while considered rude in Europe, it’s acceptable or even a positive sign in other cultures. Cultural norms differ. Likewise, individual facial expressions and body language may vary from one person to another and could be misinterpreted. The solution is to be explicit.
Astute readers may realize this applies not just to smiling but potentially other habits. You can use a similar approach if frowning, or exhibiting emotions like anxiousness, apprehension, hesitancy, etc. which often get expressed in our face and body. (Even if you don’t think you’re showing it, you probably are.) For example, “I’m apprehensive because at prior companies I’ve seen deals like this go bad; I’m happy to explore but just want you to understand where I’m coming from . . .” Or in a different circumstance, “I’m a little anxious right now because the prior interviewers ran long so we’re getting a late start; I know this is important, but I also need to be home in time for my daughter’s birthday dinner tonight,” is far better than just being anxious and hoping the interviewer doesn’t notice.
When in doubt, it’s better to overcommunicate rather than under communicate. This applies not only to spoken and written communication, but also to non-verbal communication. It might feel awkward the first time you say it but think about how you’d respond if someone said it to you; you’d most likely have some understanding and grace. Don’t be afraid to give it a try. I’m smiling because I know this can help you and can even take a meeting that could have gone in the wrong direction, and make sure it’s on track.
It’s critical to learn about corporate culture before you accept a job offer but it can be awkward to raise such questions. Learn what to ask and how to ask it to avoid landing yourself in a bad situation.
Investing just a few hours per year will help you focus and advance in your career.
Groups with a high barrier to entry and high trust are often the most valuable groups to join.
